How I Married EdwardCullen & Starred in a TV Show
by Sarah the Confused
Summary: Bella wakes up to a cameracrew and one member of the most famous - or infamous - families ever - the Cullens -who is now her new HUSBAND!What’s she going to do when she finds out her life is now a television drama,and there’s nothing she can do about it!
1. Chapter1:Hello don't mind the cameracrew

**Author's Note: So some who know me may be asking, "Sarah, why aren't you updating your stories rather then MAKE MORE DEMAND???" and the answer, dear friends is that I am a moron, and when I have an idea I always need to let it out before I can carry on with my life.**

**This was inspired by those Much T.V shows that crack me up. Hope you enjoy. And becasue I remember a lot of people asking last time, yes, it's AH and AU.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does.**

**So There was this Guy and I kinda Married him and he's this Famous Cullen and now I'm on T.V with a Contract and HELP**

My nose was cold. My nose was unbelievably cold. It was poking out of the blankets, and dangerously cold. I wiggled it down to get covered up, when I heard a soft murmur.

"Marv, I think she's up." I heard a gravelly voice say. I cocked my head to one side. This was not my father, Charlie's voice… or my old roommate Angela's voice… I almost laughed at the thought of such a low voice on my past friend.

"Sound rolling?" I heard another voice call back.

"Yes sir." The gravelly voice answered.

What? Sound rolling? Had I fallen asleep on a movie set somehow? I groaned and wiggled down farther into the comfy blankets. This was definitely not my house, that's for sure.

"Make sure you get a good shot of her for the reaction shot." The man who had to have been in charge said. Mark or Marv…?

"Alright people, let's make some magic!" he whispered, yet it still made me feel like covering my ears.

Alright, so I was in this bed… with who knows how many people near me… and they seemed to be taping me, or at least discussing me. This was extremely disturbing, on so many levels.

"What are all of you doing here?" I asked as I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes slowly. I gasped when I opened them.

A large black camera was right in my face, with a young blond man attached to it with a boyish face. Behind him was another man with a small moustache and brown hair slicked back, and a few others behind him with coffee cups and cell phones.

"Hello Doll, I'm Marv. This here's Mike Newton, your new best friend and part time stalker. He'll be following you with a camera from dawn till dusk." The man said, "These are my assistants and such. We're here to film your life."

"I-I'm sorry, are you trying to play a joke on me? Did my mother put you up to this? She has an odd sense of humour I know, but-" I cut myself off when I saw someone walk in from the bathroom.

"It's no joke, Bella. This is the camera crew." A young man - no older then me - told me. He was… well to be honest, absolutely gorgeous. He had hair that would knock out Patrick Dempsey, my old favourite. No, this man was his own gosh darn category. I had always been a sucker for green eyes, and his were the brightest and most breathtaking I had seen since… well, since that man I had seen in _Times_.

Wait a second. Piercing green eyes… crooked smile… lanky frame… unmistakable mischievous eyebrows and bronze hair… Oh god it _was_ the man from the _Times_.

Edward Cullen.

What the hell was a _Cullen_ doing in _my_… wait, in _a_ bedroom, with me? Where was I? What was going on?

"Who… what are you doing… with me?" I asked, stringing words that would hopefully make sense to him, although they didn't to me.

"Well, see-" He was interrupted by Marv.

"Places, people!" He yelled. Everyone tensed for… something.

"Mr. Cullen? Could you please tell me where I am and why?" I asked to my hands, not able to look at his scorching eyes.

"Certainly. You're at the Four Seasons Seattle, and you're here because last night I brought you here after we uh, got married?" He said, saying the last two words so quietly I barely heard them.

"We… could you repeat yourself?" I asked, flustered.

Edward Cullen sighed and said more clearly, "You, Isabella Swan and I, Edward Cullen got married. You are now, as far as the law is concerned, Bella Cullen. Welcome to the family." He smiled timidly, "And this is your first glimpse at what life is like being a social god, or rather, goddess." He smirked slightly and waited for me to answer. When he had confirmed that the only thing coming out of my mouth was going to be squeaks, he said, "It's not so bad. You get all the little shrimp puffs you'd ever want, and um, shopping sprees all the time. And caviar, though I've never developed a taste for it myself. But just think about Christmas! Haven't you ever wanted a Martha Stuart Christmas? She's very nice, trust me." He babbled as the camera swung from him to me, from nervous to baffled, from ranting to probably _raving_ by now.

"But these people aren't here to serve me shrimp puffs." I pointed out.

"Actually, I am." A small curly haired brunette said from the back, "My name's Jessica and I am your personal assistant."

"Oh." I said lamely, looking back to Edward.

"Oh, them. Well they're… they kind of own us." Edward explained, kicking the wall rhythmically, "You see when we were less… to be frank when we were both drunk, they took the opportunity and ask us to sign a contract, so now we have to be in their television show about our marriage." Edward finished, knocking his head against the wall now.

All cameras turned to me. I sat motionless for a long moment, soaking it all in. "Wait, I'm married? I'm married to you, Edward Cullen, the most eligible flipping _bachelor_ and the hottest flipping man _alive_ and heir to the Cullen _fortune_?" I asked.

"Seems so." Edward said, running a hand through his hair.

I let out a breath, and promptly fainted.

**Author's Note: You like? Hope so, I thought it was a fun idea. If this gets a lot of buzz I'll keep going, and if not then no big, I have other stories to take up my time. TRUST ME lol. I'll probably do a few more chapters of this beforehand though, just to build up enough before I make a decision.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated and replied to :)**

**Chao!**

**- Sarah**


	2. Chapter 2: What a Catch!

**Author's Note: Thanks for the great review guys! I love getting new readers and this story is really fun to write! I WILL update AND and IDOALID, really I will! I just need this out of my head lol! Wow, this isn't going to be a huge A.N! Yay!**

**Disclaimer: See chapter 1.**

Chapter 2: What a Catch!

"Wait, I'm married? I'm married to you, Edward Cullen, the most eligible flipping _bachelor_ and the hottest flipping man _alive_ and heir to the Cullen _fortune_?" Bella asked me, her face a mix of confusion and disbelief.

"Seems so." I said, trying to be gentle. She was taking this a lot better then I had when I had woken up.

Bella let out a long breath, and right when I thought there must be something wrong with her not to freak out, she fainted.

"Now _that_ is television! You getting this, Newton?!" Marv yelled. The vile blond boy nodded, his camera right in poor Bella's face.

"Techie! Is everything working back there?" Marv looked back at Eric, who looked stunned for a moment, then rolled his eyes.

"Sir, I'm not the techie, Tyler is. Just because I'm Asian does _not_ make me-" Marv interrupted him with a dismissive wave and looked at Tyler.

"Yes Sir, everything's going just as you wanted." Tyler called from the back.

"Good, good. Edward, wake her up, would ya?"

I groaned. This was… despicable. They took advantage of us. Now my _one_ screw up on the _one_ night I had acted normal messed up my whole reputation.

And what about this girl? What would happen to Bella once this came out? Would she become another unfortunate person to get dragged out by the infamous Cullens? It wasn't fair to us, but we knew what we were going into. Bella had no clue what would happen, and it was my fault.

And I was her husband. As for the contract, my family's lawyers were looking over it right now. They were the best of the best, and they couldn't find a loophole _anywhere_. It would seem that for the next six months, we were theirs to film.

I walked over to the bed and sat down next to Bella. She was very pretty, even with her hair in knots and circles under her eyes. I smiled and gently shook her arm.

Bella stretched as she woke up and gave a long yawn. She reminded me of a cat. I waited for her to finish, playing with the blankets in my hand.

Bella turned to me and I came undone when I looked into her chocolate eyes. I could see why I had agreed - and even asked - to do all this. How could I possibly tell her no? She looked at me fro a tense second, then over to the cameramen. I saw her eyes travel to everyone individually, slowly scoping the room.

Bella turned back to me, "So all this is real?" The way she asked, it didn't seem sarcastic or odd. She really sounded like she had no clue what was right, and needed me.

As a decent human being, I needed to tell her exactly what was going on.

As a stranger, I wanted to pretend we weren't screwed.

As a Cullen, I had to keep up my name and do what was right.

But as a husband… as a husband, what was I supposed to do?

I cleared me throat of all the lies and half truths that I wanted to say, "Yes Bella, all this is real. You and I are married, and we're going to be starring on television, and it's my entire fault. I'm sorry; you deserve much better then my family's fame. I hope you don't get hurt, and I promise you that I will do whatever it takes to make you safe again."

Bella laughed, "Safe? Am I in danger?"

I nodded, "Absolutely. One wrong word and you could lose your entire family's liking you. You'll be a household name. Not to mention the stalkers and crazies…" I trailed off. Did I have to tell her everything that popped in my head?!

"You aren't a very good salesman, are you?" Bella asked playfully, "But really Edward. It takes two to get married, and two to sign a television contract. I'm just as guilty as you, maybe even more." Bella said, blushing.

"And why would that be?" I asked, entranced.

"Well, you're a brat. Of course, no one expects you to hold your liquor. But me? I should have been able to handle myself a bit better." Bella started to laugh and I joined in quickly.

"You get that?!" Marv asked Newton impatiently. The boy nodded frantically, wanting to please the boss.

Jeez! I had forgotten about them! I would have to be careful not to wrap myself too much with Bella. I looked over at her and saw her expression. Clearly, I wasn't the only one being caught up.

"Sir, I think that's enough footage for the first day. Why don't we come back later today?" Eric asked. I smiled at him. He was a good guy, and unlike Marv, he had a soul.

"Fine, but Newton, you stay outside the room. Anything interesting happens, you go back in." Marv said, "And call me if anything does!" He called as everyone except Mike left us in the room.

Mike gave us an apologetic, though awkward, look, "I'm sorry about Marv, he's the best of the best when it comes to this kind of show. I'll just… go…" Mike got up and left, kicking the garbage can between the front door and the hallway so that he'd be able to get in if we decided to become exciting.

I turned back to Bella. She looked thoughtful.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I saw the tips of her lips turn down.

"I'm going to become the world's most hated woman to all single teenagers and middle aged women." Bella said with such a fearful expression that I had to laugh.

"Bella, trust me, they'll worship the ground you walk on. You 'caught the uncatchable'!" I said, quoting one of the magazines I remember that had done a column on me.

Bella giggled and sat back on the many pillows on the bed.

"So, Mrs. Cullen, What do you do for a job?" I asked playfully.

"I'm an editor with the Sightline Institute. I look over the work before it goes in. I get all the news I could want, but it's not that exciting, mostly fun little articles." Bella said, shrugging.

"That sounds interesting; I'll have to look it up." I said earnestly.

"Edward?" Bella asked, whispering. I looked over at the front door and I could see Mike straining to hear us.

"What is it, Bella?"

"Well, from what I know, if there was anyone I'd have to marry and go on television with, I think you might be my best choice." Bella said, blushing a beautiful pink.

"Well, if I could choose anyone, I think it might be you, too." I whispered.

"Edward?" She asked again.

"Yes?"

"I'm sleepy." Bella said, yawning.

"Go on, I'll order some food while you nap. Bacon and eggs?"

"Ah, so there was a reason I agreed to be your wife." Bella joked as she laid down to sleep.

"Very funny, you little-" I cut off when I heard her soft snoring.

I got up to go call the room service. No matter how this turns out, I'm glad I met Bella.

**Author's Note: You like? This is my lightest and silliest story yet, and I love doing it ^.^**

**Marv is from a mix of every teacher that I thought should be a movie director, lol.**

**I have to go study math and read Lord of the Flies D:**

**Ciao!**

**- Sarah**

**OME, funny story. So I had this dream that a guy in my class was trying to punch my friend and I got in the way and... nothing happened so this other guy who's my really close friend takes his place and punches me... and we're all in Paris and learning Trig gone wrong. I told my friend and she decided that she would punch my guy friend that "punched" me. So 3 of us attack the poor guy with no reason. He's been apologising everytime I se him as a joke. Good times in High school..... Good times :P**


	3. Chapter 3:Everyone knows but us WHAT?

**Author's Note: So uh, hey guys! *insert tomatoes getting ready to be thrown* I... really don't know how I didn't update ANYTHING for months. It's NOT fair to you or even me, and I apologise. I feel terrible because most people probably have given up on my stories by now, and totally on me. BUT, I'm back and I will be actively updating. Gosh I feel like a bad person after seeing some of the super nice reviews .**

Disclaimer: Shephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I don't.

So without further ado, a (short .) new chapter.

Chapter 3: Don't you love it when everyone knows your brother's married 'cept you?

Rosalie's P.O.V

I sat with Emmett on the couch when the news started on the television. Carlisle was still at work and Esme was preparing everything for the Cullen Christmas party. Alice was... somewhere. Who new with that Pixie.

And Edward? I hadn't seen his since he'd gone out with Jasper and Emmett to a night club yesterday. Emmett had said he'd cone with some brunette somewhere, but he hadn't called home since.

"Oh God, Carlisle's going to _kill_ him!" Emmett yelled. I turned back to the TV.

There was Edward's picture nest to the newscaster.

"Turn it up!" I told him. Emmett did and we listened to the young woman on the television.

"In entertainment news, Edward Cullen, the reclusive heir of the infamous Cullen clan has been seen with a woman. Not only that but we've just received word that her name is Bella and after a wild night, she and Edward are _married_! Oh just wait!" The perky girl took a new paper from someone off screen, "It would seem that the new couple are now going to be in a _television_ series about their marriage! You heard it here first, folks!"

The girl went on about some celebrities getting new dogs or something, but I tuned it all out.

Edward, my brother, was _married_?! I was stunned. No, _furious_.

I couldn't think a complete sentence. I saw red.

"Rosie, calm down, you're seething." Emmett said. I nodded and took a few deep breaths.

"We all _promised_! When everything started, we all said we wouldn't be like the other celebrities! We'd be ourselves, not _that_!" I pointed to the television.

"Maybe this isn't how it looks. Remember when they said that Carlisle was cheating, when really he was just going to see a ring maker for Esme? The media twists and turns the truth into drama." Emmett said soothingly.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. We need to go straighten things out." Emmett nodded and we both went to the front door to get our jackets.

"Can I come?" Alice asked, "I want to meet this new sister!" She laughed and I could see the gleam in her eye.

"Yes, we'll have to make her feel _welcome_." I agreed, laughing.

I opened the door and gasped.

Like locusts, there were _hoards_ of media. Poor Esme's lawn was squished. Vans and reporters covered every inch of the place.

"Miss. Hale, what do you think of the recent scandal with your brother?"

"Mr. Cullen, are you going to accept Miss. Swan into your family?"

"Is that her last name? Good to know." Emmett said, chuckling as he led us through the throng.

"What are you going to do about the television show?"

"Watch it, laugh at it, sue them." Emmett yelled as we got past the driveway.

The questions came so fast then that I couldn't keep track. Alice flitted past the many people.

"C'mon, get in." Emmett whispered as we got into the jeep.

Alice was already in the car when I jumped in. We sped away from the drama seeking mob.

"God, that was _bad_. I'm going to _kill_ Edward." I seethed.

No one spoke as we drove, mostly because I would shot them death glares if they even _moved_.

"Wait, where are we _going_?" I asked ten minutes later after I saw the same house for the third time.

"Um..." Emmett was about to say something when Alice's cellphone rang.

"Hello?... Oh, _you_... You have exactly _five seconds_ to tell us where you are, or god help me, I will give Rosalie the phone!" Alice looked over at me and I couldn't help but smile, "Uh huh, yeah we'll be there in five minutes flat. Yeah... good bye _brother_."

"Rosie, remember I love you and that no matter what I do, I will never mess up as much as Ed has, okay?" Emmett told me.

I rolled my eyes, but he continued, "Really, I mean we thought it was bad when I drove that ATV through Hilton's pool party? That's nothing compared to marrying some random girl after getting drunk and getting a show right?"

"Emmett, I don't _care _right now. Just get us to the hotel."

Alice told him the address, and we sped off towards our favorite newlyweds.

**Author's Note: You know what sucks? When all your files get deleted. That sucks. D:**

**But I will be working on more updating! Hopefully they'll be some reviews, if so I'm still replying!**

**Love!**

**- Sarah**


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